Okay listen up everyone, we are all guilty of dissatisfaction. All of us, at one point in time, are guilty of letting go of something that is perfectly working while chasing after something we perceive to be relatively unattainable. We justify this by telling ourselves that we would be happier with bigger, with brighter, with more. And then we find out that, truth is, that’s never the case.

Come on, you know what I’m talking about – stable relationships, budding careers, or that perfectly working smart phone. Unfortunately, it is part of human nature to want more. And what is so wrong with that?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with that. We’re always going to want more. That is how we evolve. However, here’s what turns it all upside down. Having unrealistic and unusually high expectations. When we let our unrealistic expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for failure. We end up dissatisfied and dissatisfaction is like a poison where the afflicted gets constantly and irrationally attracted to things they do not have – and sometimes never can have.

Higher Exploration vs Higher Expectation

It is perfectly healthy to set higher expectations for ourselves. In fact, we all should.  But instead of expectations, we should set higher standards for ourselves, a set of principles, or codes, or goals that make us fundamentally better people – not just superficially superior. Maybe instead of higher expectations, we should set higher explorations. That sounds more like it’s geared towards growth right? Because that’s what we’re aiming for – growth! Explorations mean we set our own pace and not sit by the sidelines following a meticulously concocted checklist of “things to do by this age and that degree.” It means we get to try things out and find out what works for us and what needs to be sent back to the old drawing board.

Less Judgement, More Forgiveness

Expectations are important because it teaches us to adjust. Weather we set them high or low, having them teaches us to be flexible. Not getting our expectations realized teaches us some of the best lessons we ever get in life. Failures and disappointments (unfortunately) are the best teachers, they teach us to forgive ourselves more and judge ourselves less. We learn to try again and we learn to hope. We adjust our sails and aim for better things. We forgive and move on from disappointment. We make better judgment calls because of the experience. We learn to recalibrate and learn to do better. And learning to do better and be better is the whole point of setting expectations.

Respect and Ruthlessness

It is a fine line between having lofty goals and unrealistically high expectations – the solemn place where you owe it to yourself to get what you deserve and that destructive path of self-entitlement where you think you should always get what you think you deserve. But there is a sweet spot, the middle of the line, a balance between light and dark. It is the border between self-respect and ruthlessness, the solemn place with just enough hubris and humility to know that this is exactly what you deserve.

Give yourself a little breathing room, but set your hopes high enough to see yourself soar. Like a kite in the wind, we need to cut ourselves some slack in order to take flight. If you find out how to balance your expectations, please do share your secret.  We are all trying to find the sweet spot. In the meantime, do what works for you. Remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help