At this day and age, everyone is hard wired to multi-task. Everyday begins with multitasking. You put on the coffee pot while you take a shower, listen to the news while you brush your teeth, put on lipstick as you’re driving to work. At work you type on your computer, trying to finish that report as you talk to someone on the phone, or maybe you pay the bills while eating lunch. We’re also surrounded with a lot of enablers, gadgets that can do three things at a time and smart phones that have everything except the kitchen sink.

This makes us feel that we accomplish more in as little time possible. And most of the time – that works. It makes us feel good to do so many things all at once. But why do so many of us feel that there’s just never enough time to do the things we want to do. Everyone is still so busy even with all the help technology has to offer. Have we sacrificed efficiency for quantity? Are we really more efficient by getting so many things done and checked off our lists of things to do?

The problem is not efficiency. The problem is focus. Busy folks tend to juggle a lot of things at the same time and tend to lose focus on actually doing a particular job well. When we find ourselves having some free time, we tend to fill that time in with more work, or more responsibilities, or more social engagements.

We’ve become so accustomed to working, we tend to fill our down time with just about anything else, regardless if it’s healthy for us or not. Mindfulness has gone out of the window and we’ve all become busy for the sake of being busy.

Why not slow down a bit. Take a breather. Clear your mind. Let go of the things that are worrying you. Think of nothing but light and let your mind be a blank canvass. Breathe deeply and really fill your lungs with air. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale again and hold it in for longer this time. Now exhale and really let it out. See, didn’t that feel good?

You, my friend, have just begun meditating. That felt awesome, right? Do you want to go on?

1. Start by carving time out of your busy schedule to do this exercise. Just a few minutes everyday will do. if you can hack 10 minutes of peace and quiet, you’re all set. It’s probably best if you do this first thing in the morning. That way, you can start the day calm and relaxed. Do it often enough and soon it becomes a habit that you don’t even have to think about.
2. Pick a peaceful spot to sit comfortably in. It can be anywhere, a park bench, a garden, your room, your bed – anywhere where you’re relaxed. This spot has to be really quiet, otherwise, learn how to drown out the noise.
3. Pay attention to your breathing. Most yogi and yoginis recommend counting your breath. The trick is to be aware of your breathing.
4. Stay focused. Do not allow stray thoughts or daily worries to enter our mind. Lock them out as soon as you have them. This is the hardest part of meditation. But if you can keep your thoughts in check and focus only on your breathing, you’ll get the hang of it.
5. End by being grateful. If you’re reading this because you need tips on how not to feel so overwhelmed, then being grateful for the 10 minutes of peace and quiet is a very good place to start.

Hopefully, this is the beginning of a meditation habit for you. The true mark of efficiency is focusing and doing one job well. And it helps when you start or end the day with a clear head and a full heart. Always remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

There are times in our lives when we just get too overwhelmed with everyday routine. If you’re like me, a typical day consists of sleeping, working, and taking care of family or spending time with friends. Sometimes we need to take a break from the monotony and start carving out me time.

ME Time is any time you spend relaxing on your own, apart from doing things for others. Spending me time helps you recharge your batteries. If you’re prone to bouts of anxiety, me time also helps keep you relax and be less anxious.

We all have different versions of me time. For example, I know a person who loves vacuuming in the afternoon. He says it’s therapeutic to listen to the hum of the vacuum cleaner as the sun sets in the background – a very dramatic description for a mundane chore, don’t you think? Nonetheless, I can see its allure. Most busy moms would tell you that time alone folding clothes would be one of the most relaxing quiet times they have. They consider it therapeutic to sit inside a quiet room and watch as piles of freshly laundered clothes get sorted into neatly folded piles probably because it’s the only time they can carve some peace and quiet out of their very busy days.

The best kind of me time is when you’re spending it on a hobby. Having a hobby does wonders for your mental, physical, and emotional health. Hobbies let you take a mental break from all the responsibilities you have. What could be better than taking a break doing whatever you like? After all, we never pick up hobbies we aren’t the slightest bit interested in, right?

If it has been a long time since you’ve picked up a hobby, maybe it is time to rekindle that old love. Need, a guide on where to start? Read on.

Start with things that interest you.

Are you a big fan of plants? Why not try gardening. Gardening is a very relaxing hobby and is not only designated for senior citizens with green thumbs. Start small, with a small patch of land by the front lawn. Living in an apartment building? Why not try growing herbs near the window? Or maybe start a succulents garden or a terrarium. Terrariums are great for when you don’t have a green thumb. Terrarium arrangement could be a cool creative project too.

Got a wish list?

Maybe you’re a frustrated musician but don’t really know how to play an instrument. You could start learning to play the guitar. If that’s overwhelming, why not start with a ukulele. They’re the in thing nowadays. They’re portable, fun, and easy to play.

Old interests.

If you’re no longer a beginner, why not pick up something you’re already good at. I love to doodle. One day I saw some grown up coloring books at a bookstore and picked one up hoping to start a coloring hobby. So, I bought the book and a few art supplies (colored pens and pencils) and went on my merry way. The book had beautiful detailed pictures of gardens and flowers and mandalas. When I saw the mandalas, I thought to myself “Hey, I could do this. I could draw mandalas myself.” I went back to the bookstore to buy more supplies, this time a thick sketch pad and a few drawing pens. That started another hobby which I’m still actively practicing today. To this date I have three sketch pads filled with doodles and mandala drawings. I’ve left them uncolored though.

Starting a hobby lets you have an outlet for everyday stress and promotes a sense of well being. It reduces blood pressure and help you get into a state of flow. The many benefits of picking up a hobby surely outweighs the dread of having to decide what hobby to engage in. So start picking up an enjoyable hobby today and remember  to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

Okay listen up everyone, we are all guilty of dissatisfaction. All of us, at one point in time, are guilty of letting go of something that is perfectly working while chasing after something we perceive to be relatively unattainable. We justify this by telling ourselves that we would be happier with bigger, with brighter, with more. And then we find out that, truth is, that’s never the case.

Come on, you know what I’m talking about – stable relationships, budding careers, or that perfectly working smart phone. Unfortunately, it is part of human nature to want more. And what is so wrong with that?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong with that. We’re always going to want more. That is how we evolve. However, here’s what turns it all upside down. Having unrealistic and unusually high expectations. When we let our unrealistic expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for failure. We end up dissatisfied and dissatisfaction is like a poison where the afflicted gets constantly and irrationally attracted to things they do not have – and sometimes never can have.

Higher Exploration vs Higher Expectation

It is perfectly healthy to set higher expectations for ourselves. In fact, we all should.  But instead of expectations, we should set higher standards for ourselves, a set of principles, or codes, or goals that make us fundamentally better people – not just superficially superior. Maybe instead of higher expectations, we should set higher explorations. That sounds more like it’s geared towards growth right? Because that’s what we’re aiming for – growth! Explorations mean we set our own pace and not sit by the sidelines following a meticulously concocted checklist of “things to do by this age and that degree.” It means we get to try things out and find out what works for us and what needs to be sent back to the old drawing board.

Less Judgement, More Forgiveness

Expectations are important because it teaches us to adjust. Weather we set them high or low, having them teaches us to be flexible. Not getting our expectations realized teaches us some of the best lessons we ever get in life. Failures and disappointments (unfortunately) are the best teachers, they teach us to forgive ourselves more and judge ourselves less. We learn to try again and we learn to hope. We adjust our sails and aim for better things. We forgive and move on from disappointment. We make better judgment calls because of the experience. We learn to recalibrate and learn to do better. And learning to do better and be better is the whole point of setting expectations.

Respect and Ruthlessness

It is a fine line between having lofty goals and unrealistically high expectations – the solemn place where you owe it to yourself to get what you deserve and that destructive path of self-entitlement where you think you should always get what you think you deserve. But there is a sweet spot, the middle of the line, a balance between light and dark. It is the border between self-respect and ruthlessness, the solemn place with just enough hubris and humility to know that this is exactly what you deserve.

Give yourself a little breathing room, but set your hopes high enough to see yourself soar. Like a kite in the wind, we need to cut ourselves some slack in order to take flight. If you find out how to balance your expectations, please do share your secret.  We are all trying to find the sweet spot. In the meantime, do what works for you. Remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

You can spot the swagger from a mile away. These independent men and women who look like they’ve got it all together and have the world in the palm of their hands.

What makes you take a second look? Is the way they carry themselves with confidence? Is it how they seem to always be prepared for anything? Or maybe is it because they appear to be decisive and determined.

Whatever it is, you wish you had it. That certain je ne sais quoi that makes everyone wonder how you’ve got it all together.

Here’s one of the secrets to having the kind of chutzpah that people admire: it’s called self-reliance.  Self-reliance is having a certain quality about you that makes you seem like the go-to guy or gal. It means having that ability to trust yourself and count on your own resources. It all boils down to knowing that you can do this – you got this!

Having the conviction of only having yourself to lean on is not an easy task. First, you must take care of the basics. The key to this is preparation. Get a job. This practically solves most of your challenges in the journey towards self -reliance.

A job affords you a lifestyle where you can pay for your own needs and not have to ask your parents to spot you some money or ask your friends if you can sleep on their couch. Once that is out of the way, you can concentrate on the harder values that you need to practice.

Second, be decisive and make your own decisions. Nobody makes right decisions, 100% of the time. NOBODY. But being self-reliant does not mean being right all the time. It means that you are confident enough to make an informed decision and, more importantly, to stick with it.

If things do go south, own up to it. It takes more moral fiber to own up to your mistakes than passing the blame on someone or something else. By taking responsibility for your decisions whatever the outcome may be, people will respect you more.

Third, like I always say, hustle. The only way people ever achieve anything that’s worth getting in this life is by the old fashioned way, hustle, patience, and hard work. And with this, you earn a superpower called grit.

Grit will get you places. While everyone else has given up, you keep on slogging through. Grit gives you staying power. Not only do you get to be self-reliant, you also become reliable to other people. Grit will teach you to be confident of your skills and reverently careful about your weaknesses. Just enough moxy to keep your ego in check all the while, paying attention to areas of improvement. Grit will allow you to begin to set your own pace. You wouldn’t want to risk a burnout so make sure to honestly listen to yourself as you create your own life’s path.

It is a journey, and we all get a lifetime to go and try what works for us. Self-reliance is NOT about never needing anybody. It is actually about being able to be comfortable in your own skin – comfortable enough that other people see the light growing inside of you. Until next time, remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

For all of you music fans out there – yes, the article title is also the title of that Eel’s song we loved back in the 90’s. Yes, even rock stars have a hard time sleeping.  And yes, that song might as well be the anthem of all insomniacs everywhere as they sing “I need some sleep/ It can’t go on like this/ I tried counting sheep/ But there’s one I always miss.”

At some point in our lives, we all had to struggle with getting quality sleep. There are multitude of reasons for not being able to get the required amount of shut eye we need – life changes, age, health problems, changes in diet, over zealous caffeine consumption, and stress are some of the more common reasons.

The  Mayo Clinic defines Insomnia as “a persistent disorder that can make it hard to fall asleep, hard to stay asleep or both, despite the opportunity for adequate sleep.” So whenever you think you’ve rested but wake up feeling unrefreshed, that’s a bout with Insomnia right there. Rinse and repeat everyday and you’ve got impaired judgement and chronic tiredness, which takes a major toll on your ability to function and/or make sound decisions. That kind of sleep deprivation can really negatively impact your health and affect your mood, work performance, and quality of life.

We all long for restful sleep. And for some, it’ a dream to blissfully dream the night away. Here are eight tips to hopefully help you sleep better at night:

1. Sleep Hygiene – This doesn’t mean scrubbing yourself clean before going to bed, but yes, a nice warm bath would help (more on that later). Sleep Hygiene means developing habits that are conducive for restful sleep later. Building better bedtime rituals can help you manage your sleeping schedule. Start putting yourself in a sleep mindset. An example of this could be: A nice warm bath, then brushing your teeth, changing into pajamas, turning off all the lights, and crawling into a nice warm bed.
2. Sleepy Time – whatever you do, keep to a sleep schedule. I know, I know! We all like to  sleep in during the weekends. But for the sake of battling insomnia, let’s all try to stick to a sleep schedule people! Why? Well for one, it trains your mind and body to expect sleep, like reprogramming your brain that’s hardwired to resist sleep.
3. Keep Other Light Sources Off and Out – yep, I’m talking about your phone. Yes, no exceptions. Put the screen down and step away from the phone with your hands up! Yes, kindles, ebook readers, and tablets count. Also, be on the lookout for other light sources like alarm clocks,  light streaming in from the lamppost, your glow in the dark pajamas…
4. Keep It Dreamy – invest in quality bedroom pieces: a good  bed, great sheets,, lots of pillows, black out curtains, a humidifier. You can also try a white noise machine. For me, the background noise a fan makes is white noise enough.
5. Stop Taking Long Naps – most of the time,  naps are very healthy and helpful. It boosts our productivity and makes us less grumpy and more tolerable/tolerant. However, if  you have chronic insomnia, taking long naps is a bad idea. Long naps reset your sleep cycle and you’ll find yourself having a hard time falling asleep at night.
6. Check Your Food and Drinks – coffee is not the only culprit. There is hidden caffeine from everyday food sources. Tea, chocolates, even that brownie can have caffeine. If you can, eliminate caffeine from your diet altogether. If you’re like me, you’re going to find it very hard to function without caffeine. But if you must, limit your caffeine intake to 3 cups a day, and never after 2pm.
7. Easy Does It – stay away from stress triggers. This will be extremely hard if the stress trigger is a). A family member b). A boss or coworker c.) generally someone you need to interact with everyday.  If you can, try to manage stress. Stress is one of the major culprits of sleep deprivation in so many people. If we can all manage stress, fewer people would have insomnia… if you’ve found something that works for you and you’ve managed to do away with stress, please, share your tips.
8. Exercise – Final tip, and one that would do wonders for insomniacs everywhere: Exercise! Physical activity (just not so close to within 4hrs before bedtime) will  boost endorphins and serotonin. Both of which, you’re going to need to get restful sleep. It doesn’t have to be crossfit olympic level exercise. You can start off with a brisk walk or a light jog –  both  count  and can help you greatly.

There, hopefully these tips help you get some well  deserved shut eye. I’m still trying to figure out the combination that works for me. Let me know what works for you!

Remember: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

Written by Jaie O. – The Help