How do you know if you’re stressed? Most of us have a “tell” – that’s poker speak for signals that disclose your cards. In this case, a Do you sweat a lot? Is your heart racing, like you just ran up a flight of stairs? Do you feel an itch at the back of your throat signalling an impending illness?

When we’re stressed, hormones like cortisol flood our systems, producing the “fight or flight response” making our heart rate goes up, and forcing us to breathe more heavily since we require more oxygen as our blood vessels constrict. This is our stress response.

Alternatively, we have a relaxation response which is the reverse of the uncomfortable things listed above: our heart rate goes back to normal and our breathing slows down as we use less oxygen. Our blood pressure decreases too.

We don’t really have a choice over what triggers our stress response but there are ways to manage and undo it’s effects. Here are five ways that you can decompress and get your stress levels down:

Take a big breath and repeat:

Yes, simple as that. However, there is a proper way to do it. Yogis and Yoginis swear by a deep breathing technique to help clear the mind and calm the body down. I have discussed some meditation techniques earlier in the article “A Mind Full of Light”. The article broadly discusses some tips on how you can start meditating.

Need another reason to get started on meditation? Deep breathing exercises help reduce stress and relieve tension just by giving you an extra boost of oxygen.

Take a walk:

Walking clears your head by putting your body into a state of meditation, specifically via a phenomenon known as “involuntary attention”. This is the act of engaging in an activity that allows for reflection all while doing something that holds our attention. Walking also gives you a boost of endorphins, you know those feel good hormones released when you exercise.

Day dreaming Day dreamer:

Try this while sitting at your desk, waiting for your food, hiding in an empty conference room – or wherever you feel less self conscious: visualize a calming scene in your mind’s eye. Picture the scene vividly and in the most accurate detail you can picture. Try these as visualization prompts:

• A sunny day at the beach with clear blue skies and clear waters.
• A fun future vacation with family or friends.
• A mountainside getaway with lush forests and hot cocoa.
• Going on a movie and dinner date with your celebrity crush.
• Completing a pet project.

Now, once you’re done doing that, don’t you feel so much better? Visualizing happy scenes recognizes the power of “guided imagery” to bring on a relaxation response. Simply put, dreaming about something happy makes you happier and therefore, less stressed.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation
The Huffington Post outlines the steps to Progressive Muscle Relaxation with this: “Start with your toes and work your way up: tighten your foot muscles as much as you can, then relax them. Make your way up, tightening and relaxing each muscle until you’ve finished with your face. It may seem silly, but this practice can help reduce anxiety and stress and is often recommended to patients who suffer from depression and anxiety disorders”.

And last but not least…

Finding the Funnies:
A good laugh is the most awesome ever relaxation technique. The Mayo Clinic explains that “Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain”.

Counter intuitively, laughter first activates your stress response and then deactivates it, creating a kind of “roller coaster” that leads to a feeling of relaxation and boosts your endorphin. We love endorphin!

So go ahead, watch those viral funny cat videos. Read the newspaper funnies. Pick up a funny book or comic. You’ll feel so much better after a good hearty laugh. As always, remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

 

 

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

During olden times, businesses were a family affair. The business is usually run by the patriarch and he trains his sons and daughters to take over the business someday – thus, they are passed from generation to generation.

This business model has been successful for some, especially small businesses and family enterprises. But for a big majority of Medium to Large Businesses, owners are always advised against hiring family members. 

There are a lot of benefits to hiring family members especially when a business is just starting out. Lower salaries and hiring people you can trust are among them. Also, for family enterprises, keeping things in the family is a big plus because family members are easier to manage.

Things get trickier as the business grows larger as hiring family members for big businesses could raise a lot of red flags. Owners could be accused of favoritism or nepotism. And there’s also the danger that the relative could be under performing or slacking off because they know they would never be reprimanded or fired.

Working with family members could be an awesome experience and if you lay the ground rules early on, there will be little danger that this could turn into a messy family affair.

The most important thing to establish when working with family members is open and honest communication. As with any relationship, this is a very significant aspect. During assessment period good employers are ready to give honest feedback based on metrics and performance. They don’t skirt around issues of less than par performance and often give credit where credit is due.

This should be the case for all employees, even relatives. Employers should be able to give honest assessments and not worry about hurting a relative’s feelings. Alternately, a relative should be able to take feedback without making it a personal issue.

It would be best if employers keep their personal and work life separate. This can be done a number of ways. Physical separation, for one, could be helpful. Having a different office or workspace from a spouse, can send the message to employees that you are both working on your own thing and not just canoodling around. You may also have a relative report to someone else, other than yourself. That way you can work freely without anybody being accused of “hovering” over the other.

Agree before hand not to discuss work during family time and vice versa. Establish boundaries like not allowing your son to call you “Dad” at work – and especially no terms of endearment like “Hun” or “Honey” from a your spouse. You can ask them to  call you by your first name, or whatever the rest of the employees call you.

Build trust and always be respectable. You would want others to see the talent and skills you see in your relative so don’t be overly critical or too fawning. Lastly, be honest with other employees about your familial relationships. This builds trust not just with other employees, but strengthens your relationships as well. As always, remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

 

 

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

We all know that securing our future is important. To be able to take care of ourselves and our families in our old age, we should have savings, investments, or a retirement plan. But if we all know that, why aren’t we doing it yet? Too many of us aren’t putting as much effort into securing these as much as we should. Heck, not too many of us are making the effort at all!

You would think that with all the fiscal crises going on all around the world, everyone would go “I should save up for retirement or make an investment and secure my future!”

But not everyone is saving up. Not everyone is investing. Not everyone has a retirement plan. Not everyone is feeling the urgency. What’s going on?

There is this survey from Charles Schwab that could maybe explain this.

“Out of the 1,000 adults ages 25-70 who responded to the Schwab poll, a full third said they weren’t saving enough for retirement because they didn’t want to make lifestyle sacrifices today.”  

One third! Whew! That’s a large percent. That’s 33% of adults saying that they’d rather live it up right now and worry about the future…in the future.

Like that old adage says, “it’s never too late to start.” If you start now, you’ll hopefully have enough to retire comfortably. Don’t think about it as one great big house all at once. You build it over time brick by brick. It’s more like a marathon than a sprint.

So we go to the big question, how do I get started? The easiest way is to take advantage of work sponsored retirement plan contributions. This is such an easy kickoff point to building a retirement fund because a portion of your salary gets automatically deducted. Your contributions are automatically deducted from your paycheck and matched by your employer. It’s so easy, you don’t even have to think about it. So, if you have something like this being offered by your employer – take advantage of it.

Next, you can go find investment opportunities. Unlike the automatic retirement fund, this one takes more work. You can do the research yourself or you can find a financial planner to help you decide on which investments are worth checking out and getting into.

I am not a financial planner, so I won’t go into the details of bonds and stocks and hedge funds. I’ve watched too much “Suits” to try to explain that. But you might want to consider easy long term investments. This is making the most out of money – investing is kind of letting your money work for you and not the other way around. If you’re savvy enough to do it yourself, then by all means do so. But start now! If you need a little help, find a financial planner that can help you build a portfolio.

You have to be prudent though, if you are to engage in this long term investment thing, the money you invest should be money you won’t be needing for a while. Shannon McLay, financial planner from FinancialGym.net says a good rule to follow is this “If you won’t need the money for a long time, then pick a later target date fund or a more aggressive asset allocation fund. If you need the money sooner, then pick an earlier target date fund or a conservative asset allocation fund.”

At the end of the day, we all think we deserve to spend our hard earned money on making our lives more fun and comfortable and we all rightfully deserve to do that. But we all rightfully deserve a secure future too. So maybe if we make concessions to save a little for the future, we won’t end up living from paycheck to paycheck or working well until our twilight years.

As always, remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

 

 

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

People all are all about balancing things: work, family, and everything else in between. Sometimes, we drop the ball. Sometimes, something happens that make us lose our balance. Sometimes we fail at small things: keeping our New Year’s resolution, staying on a diet, starting an exercise regime, or controlling clutter in our homes. Sometimes we fail at larger things: overcoming an addiction, finding employment, or keeping our relationships together.

The failures we make on such large scales can make a negative impact the rest of our lives. Things like keeping a marriage together, persuading a child to make better choices, or overcoming debt can deal a major blow. In some cases, life deals us a major challenge, a very hard obstacle, and we can’t seem to pick ourselves up off the ground after.

Like any other muscle in our body though, the ability to overcome challenges is something that needs to be exercised and honed over time. This ability is in fact the most important muscle to build, because it gives you the confidence to face any challenge life throws your way.

The first thing to do when dealt with such an overwhelming obstacle is to acknowledge that you are experiencing it. Wherever there is adversity, there is the will to overcome. So many who have gone before us have experienced adversity in greater magnitude. I say this not to diminish the hardships that we face in our lives, but to remind ourselves that we shall overcome. This will not downplay our weaknesses but instead prepare us to face whatever is in our way.

Acknowledging that we are facing adversity reminds us that nobody is perfect and that we are among others who have tried, failed, and tried again. Failure is common and no one has monopoly over bad luck, or bad choices in life.

Too many times, our tendency is to blame others or look outward for anything, or anyone to accuse of conspiring against us – the universe, our luck, our loved ones, friends – anything else. But really, no one else has absolute control over our lives except ourselves. Let us take responsibility and own the problem. That’s the way to take control over the situation.

Do some damage control, take care of what you can and let go of the things you can’t control. It’s okay. Life is teaching us about perseverance – listen and learn the lesson.

Forgive. Forgive yourself for not seeing the signs. Forgive yourself for not making the right choices. Forgive yourself for your lousy luck. And if you find that your pain is caused by someone else – forgive others. We find freedom in forgiveness. We owe it to ourselves to find closure. It is the first step towards healing.

Ask for help. No man is an island and you’re not suppose to go through this alone. Rally your tribe around you and draw strength from their collective wisdom and care. Never lose hope. Adversity is easier when you share your burden with others. Let them help you. If this is a personal journey and something you have to sort out yourself, share your stories. Let others learn and draw strength from your experience. Share it with honesty and humility.

Rise. You can do this. Remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

 

 

Written by Jaie O. – The Help

Budgeting – Every adult must have this skill. When you’re young and living with your parents, you take for granted having to budget your money.  After all, mom and dad can always bail you out when you need extra money. But  when you’re out of the house and living on your own, things get to be a little bit trickier – or a lot trickier!

So here you are now, all grown up and trying to manage your own finances. You’ve  done a good job so far at making ends meet. You’ve got the bills covered and living expenses down pat. You even have enough to go out with friends and buy a book or two. But it seems that you are living from paycheck to paycheck and just spending all your hard earned money with not enough wiggle room for securing your financial future like paying off debts, investing, or building a nest egg. Then you start asking yourself, where does the money go?

A practical solution is to build a budget. Then you’ll see where all your hard earned moolah goes. Simply put, a budget is a summary of your income vs expenses over a given period of time, let’s say a month. It is a breakdown of how much you make and where you plan to spend it. Sounds easy but a lot of grown ups have no idea how to budget. This is especially true if you are a young professional who’s just starting out in your career. We all get excited to earn our own money and waste no time spending it on things we dreamed of spending it on while we were still living with our parents. Because, why not? Now you can buy your own groceries, eat at that fancy place, and buy those beautiful graphic novels.

Truth of the matter is, we all learn the hard way. Sometimes it is in the form of an emergency, and sometimes we just get in way over our heads with too much spending. Other times, it is just the simple realization that we may have enough for now but then we’ve got to start paying off those student loans or cards debts.

Here are some tips to get you started on building a budget:

Start now

Sounds simple but this is really the hardest yet most important step. Most times, people put it of until they’re really in financial trouble. Don’t wait for an emergency before you start building a budget. It can be as detailed as having a financial planner or using spreadsheets and smart budgeting apps, or it can be as simple as buying a ledger and going old school pen and paper.

Document your spending

All budgeting starts with this: writing down your income (include all sources of income) and all your expenses. Yes, you include that coffee you got on your way to work. Yes, that bill you split with your friend counts. Yes, the money that grandma sent for your birthday counts as income, too. Yes, document all of it. All of it!

Automate it

You can skip this step if you’re using pen and paper. But there are a lot of apps that can make budgeting easier. I’m not going make this a product placement article so I’m not going to mention these apps but you may hunt around the internet using the following keywords: “best app for budgeting” That’ll return some results that you could try. Pick one that makes a lot of sense to you and fits your budgeting needs. Most of these apps are really helpful in helping you keep track of your money. Use them as tools to help you towards your financial goal.

Have a contingency plan

Have enough wiggle room for emergencies. Personally, I follow a 60-20-20 rule. Of my income, 60% goes towards living expenses (utilities, rent, bills, etc.), 20% goes towards fun (because that’s why we work so hard, right?), and 20% goes towards an emergency fund. This is very important. This is the litmus test for all grown ups. You know you are an adult when the car breaks down or someone in the family comes down with illness and you have emergency funds.

Adjust

The 60-20-20 rule does NOT work for everyone. Feel free to adjust it depending on your personal needs. You can do Ramit Sethi’s 60-10-10-20 or Arthur Isabella’s 50-30-20. It’s all up to you. The key is to leave money in the budget for savings or investments or emergencies.

Stick to the plan

Lastly, stick to the plan. Like I always say, no one gets it right the first time. But if you keep planning and adjusting, budgeting will ultimately become a habit until you just automatically do it.

Let us know what works for you. Remember to: Stay Humble, Hustle Hard. Good luck!

 

 

Written by Jaie O. – The Help