How many people get a chance to paint the colors of their dreams?”  Azar Nafisi, author of Reading Lolita in Tehran, asked herself on the first day of the literature course that she organized and teaches in secret after leaving the University of Tehran, due to her refusal to wear the veil.

A passionate professor of English literature, Nafisi in her memoir, brings the reader virtually into the class along with seven female students.  Her curriculum focused on “the relation between fiction and reality.”  As the course progressed, the line between fiction in class discussions and reality in Iran thickened as the stories’ themes resonated with the students’ lives.

My fascination for Reading Lolita in Tehran lies in Nafisi’s calm prose and rhythmic voice, so still that the tumult around her is almost non-existent.  When she uses Lolita to refer to the political unrest, she writes, “What we have here is the first lesson in democracy: all individuals, no matter how contemptible, have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.” She asserts that out-of-control military and police house searches and arrests of students did not portend an encouraging future for Iran.

Nafisi uses Nabokov’s Lolita, Fitzgerald’s Gatsby, James’ Washington Square and Austen’s Pride and Prejudice as the primary colors to unfold her life and those of her students.  She takes the reader into incidents that capture their gray, prison-like daily routine.  In Lolita, she notes, “No fact is more touching than Lolita’s utter helplessness… the whole crux of the matter: she had nowhere else to go…”  Like Lolita, she and her students, are forced to hide.  In Gatsby, she writes “the dream was not about money but about what he (Gatsby) can become.”  It is about available options that become “a means of retrieving a dream.”  All eight of them took risks daily but made the choice to exercise the option of participating in the course.

In Washington Square, she points out that the character Catherine Sloper has “the capacity to change and mature” because she stood up to those who shunned, manipulated and rejected her.  Further in the text Nafisi writes, “Their reward is not happiness, a word that is central in Austen’s novels but is seldom used in James’ universe.  What James’ characters gain is self-respect.”  And in Pride and Prejudice, Nafisi compares the story to a dance, where partners depend on one another’s steps to complete a sequence. Throughout the book, Nafisi and her students embodied growing into self-respect as well as performing the flawless dance. They were not caught.

The memoir’s universal themes of helplessness, tenacity, fruition, and resolution are analogous to the stories the class studies.  Nafisi writes of personal, political and intellectual freedom that she managed to exercise despite the repression.  She goes for walks with a male friend — a total no-no in the Islamic Republic particularly with the Morality Police on the lookout.  As such, incarceration could be just a few blocks away.  Courageous act – but life takes courage.

How many people can come out of a series of devastating events and remain grounded?  Who can emerge unscathed by the poison of war and still have the will to transform the experience into the medicine of learning and sharing?  Only the courageous do.

Perhaps the intent of the book is to chronicle history, perhaps its raison d’être is summed up by James’ The Ambassadors:

“Live all you can: it’s a mistake not to.  It doesn’t so much matter what you do in particular so long as you have your life.  If you haven’t had that what have you had?  I’m too old – too old at any rate for what I see.  What one loses one loses; make no mistake about that.  Still, we have the illusion of freedom; therefore don’t like me to-day, be without the memory of that illusion.  I was either, at the right time, too stupid or too intelligent to have it, and now I’m a case of reaction against the mistake.  For it was a mistake.  Live, Live!”

Books have the power to change readers’ worldviews. Nafisi’s memoir, however, is about choice. It is reminder that colors are available to all, a choice to stay with the somber grey of defeat or go out, dub the brush into buckets of red and blue paints to get the bright purple of victory!

Written by Yoli P. – The Help

Tried being true to yourself while bombarded daily with new trends, lifestyles, and gadgets purportedly to help achieve serenity? A tall order in a world whose demands are full of contradictions, where everyone is expected to be real, functioning people who can be and are enjoying inner peace.

In theory, inner peace may be achieved by practicing congruence. Geometry defines congruence as that situation when angles and lines “coincide exactly when superimposed.” People who behave in the same way as they think and   talk practice congruency. For example, to believe in, and verbally support, environmental protection while consistently using plastic bags could create a conflict within a person. Eventually, the same individual may give up on environmental protection advocacy.

Peace is not in a far away land. Each person willing to change their ingrained attitudes contributes greatly to achieving equanimity in families and communities. What are some of the overlooked factors that bring inner peace?

Acceptance is one. We’ve all heard the words “I never promised you a rose garden,” which means life will always be thorny but there are choices available to all. Evaluate when you can and cannot make those choices then accept situations that cannot be controlled.

Love oneself. It’s that selfie thing but not in photos. If I don’t love me, who would? It might sound a cliché but if you look around, people who make time for themselves are the ones who are asked to share more with others; their time, talents with their communities.

And loving oneself means looking after one’s health. Regular check ups indicates we are taking care of our bodies, making sure that we are physically and mentally ready to take on the challenges of daily life.

Write down goals, have a deadline to keep you on track. I use to read a book each month. Others take on mastering the use of a new application relevant to their work.

The world is full of flaws but a grateful attitude generates a calm demeanor and building on it, inner peace will have a place in your heart.

Written by Yoli P. – The Help

Work pervades all facets of life – when at home with family, an aspect of work could be the topic over dinner. Meeting up with friends, conversations eventually move towards jobs; what’s new in the workplace, where to check for openings, for a chance to move up the career ladder.

Bill Gates aptly put it when he said, “Take our 20 best people away, and I will tell you that Microsoft would become an unimportant company.” He is clearly aware that a positive relationship between employers and employees is important. Intrinsic to the association are obligations to one another that include respect and fair treatment, on one hand. On the other hand, employers must make certain that managers do not abuse their authority, for example.

Trust is the fulcrum where all other work relationships revolve. A feeling of trust between management and staff can produce loyalty as well as commitment. Loyalty works both ways; employers show appreciation via yearend bonuses while staff continues to deliver a high level of quality work. Confidence in employees motivates and engenders passion, traits that most companies would love to have in their staff.

Work is not a separate activity that can be boxed at will. For example, when projects are not going well, both managers and team members are affected. There is concern from colleagues; the mental and psychological make up of staff is influenced. While work outputs may experience a downswing, staff morale could also suffer.

When negativity towards management consumes staff, for whatever reason, it can create havoc in the communication between employers and employees. Dialogue and transparency are huge contributors to creating an overall pleasant atmosphere in the workplace. Not to say that everyone must like each other but it is good to keep in mind that the workplace is part of life and adapting to situations is an acquired skill.

A positive employer-employee relationship is evidenced by both parties’ commitment to the company’s success. Goethe said, “ Our work is the presentation of our capabilities.” Capable people produce excellent work creating the pleasant relationship between management and staff, an effect that eventually seeps into an employee’s personal life.

Written by Yoli P. – The Help

A flat tire, a disappointing work evaluation, a fight with the husband – bad days take different forms and we’ve had to deal with those awful times. Here are seven strategies I’ve pulled out to take care of bad days.

1. Leave the experience at the place where it happened. If it’s flat tire, then have the mechanic handle it, take a cab. If we’re looking at a bad evaluation, work can be improved; remember you’re still employed!
2. Clear a closet or a filing cabinet. Creating order in your environment can be calming. By the time the clutter is cleared, you’d have a sense of accomplishment and ready to look for solutions to the cause of the bad day.
3. Work on your hobby. I found tremendous comfort in learning another language; my mind would switch to acquiring the different Chinese speaking tones thereby creating that much needed space between myself and the negative experience.
4. Great for producing endorphins, the chemicals that create positive feelings. Careful, though, which exercise you choose. Some of us multiply the worries when we have uninterrupted time alone causing more anxious thoughts.
5. Write about it. When something is truly upsetting to me, I write it down for relief. Give it a try.
6. Keep everything in perspective. If a fight with the husband is the reason for the bad day, it may be time for a serious talk about the real cause of the conflict. Unpaid bills? Teenage son acting up? Engage the family in a dialogue to find a solution.
7. The situation could be worse. It pays to remember that ‘life is good,’ and that having a bad day is better than being sick in bed, unable to keep a job or pursue a career.

“We all have bad days, but one thing is true; no cloud is so dark that the sun can’t shine through”. Bad days will happen; they come and go. The good news: we can switch gears and do something about it!

Written by Yoli P. – The Help

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if clients and businesses agree on all points of a contract so that both come out in a win-win situation? But wishful thinking doesn’t do well in the running of a business. In fact, companies look for ideal clients – those who need their particular products and services, for example. Perhaps there are a good number of clients. Some of them, however, are simply not the type of enterprises that a provider may want to be associated with. For instance, a company that sells alcohol and cigarettes. Admittedly, it may be one of the best paying ones but it may not fit the profile of a provider’s ideal client.

How does a provider say no to a client?

One way is to screen prospective ones to prevent an awkward situation down the road. Doing research on client background is helpful. Using one’s personal interests as barometer for accepting clients is another method. As they say, prevention is better than the cure.

What if the business/client relationship has begun? Finding a way out during an ongoing project can be tricky. The provider must be able to give good reasons for the decision and offer an alternative, if available and possible. On occasion, an honest statement such as “I believe the time has come for us to end our business relationship. I can continue to support you in (number of hours or days) following terms agreed upon in the contract,” may be the best approach. Contracts, usually, include options on ending a relationship. Use it. And speaking of contracts, standards and boundaries must be included. For example, set the tone of the relationship at the consultation stage.

A client who’s a right fit for the business is respectful of the provider’s time. The client communicates their job requirements in a clear and precise manner. Having to say no to a client may be uncomfortable but it trains providers in diplomacy and tact, leaving a neutral air in a relationship that could have gone sour. The successful Gucci family says, “Quality is remembered, long after the price is forgotten.”

Written by Yoli P. – The Help